I graduated Magna Cum Laude (.01 shy of Summa, as my mother likes to remind me (“If only you had done an extra credit assignment!”)) from the University of Pennsylvania in 2000, with a bachelor’s degree in the life cycle of cacti. Because there are no career options for a person with that degree, I did the obvious thing: enrolled in law school. I graduated from Columbia Law School in 2004, this time without honors. For eight years I represented clients on a wide range of topics, including but not limited to eavesdropping, blackmailing and engaging in debauchery. After eight years I called it quits to pursue writing. In my spare time I enjoy playing the ukulele, training my pet lizard to do handstands, eating cheeseburgers and supporting vegan causes.
Ok, not all of that is true. I did graduate from Penn, Magna Cum Laude (and I was .01 shy of Summa and my mother still hasn’t gotten over it). I majored in English with a concentration in non-fiction writing. I wanted to be a writer but, for myriad reasons, I wound up in law school (Columbia). I practiced for eight years, called it quits and here we are. You might think it’s abnormal for an adult woman to select an abstract picture of a penis for her blog’s home page. Well, no one is actually “normal,” right? We’re all “passing for normal”, as my mother would say. I chose the penis picture because it epitomizes my personality–I’m a dick. No, really, I chose it because I was walking down the street in New York City and this shiny paperclip, shaped like a penis, caught my eye, just lying there mockingly on the sidewalk, daring someone to notice it. Well, I saw it and thought it was hilarious and wanted to share it with you. My mother will see this blog and there will be much hand-wringing, summoning of the spirit of Freud (“What would he say about this???), self-criticism (Where did I go wrong???) and criticism of others (What did she get out of that therapist we paid for 20 years???). But there really is no deeper meaning here. I just saw something funny and wanted others to have a good laugh and that’s what I want this blog to be about: sharing funny experiences, musings and observations. At least I think that’s what I want it to be about. I’ll probably change my mind in five minutes. And then change it back five minutes later. See, here I go.
One of my oldest friends, Aidan Donnelley Rowley, helped me set up this site and zero in on what I wanted the blog to be about (Thanks, Aidan!). We had so much fun cropping the penis photo (“Is it too big? We should cut some more. I think it’s too small now.”) and deciding whether or not to rotate the image (“Do you want it standing up?”). I am new to blogging and hope to hone my technological skills as I go (my husband wants to enroll me in a “How to use a computer” class at the 92nd Street Y with all the alta cockers) so please bear with me. Oh, and if you’re wondering whether it’s “bear with me” or “bare with me”, it’s the former. I looked it up. Although I’m sure I can find some naysayers out there who will disagree. They might even be in my immediate family.
I’ll try to post every day, even if it’s just a random thought like: “Isn’t there something dirty about an email from LinkedIn asking me to ‘check out’ someone’s ‘new skill’?” or “After much soul searching, I’ve decided to become vegan-free.” If you see any words on this blog that make no sense, they’re probably Yiddish and you can Google them to find their English meanings. On the other hand, they could just be typos. I would love to hear from you, provided that you are loving, encouraging, positive and/or adoring. Preferably “and.”
In case no one clicks on the “About” tab, I am going to re-post much of this information on the actual blog, so I apologize if you read it twice and are bored or think I’ve lost my mind and can’t remember that I wrote the same thing twice. In this instance, and only in this instance, I am of sound mind. You can follow me on Instagram and Twitter @annajbloom.
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